Recent research indicates that physical intimacy isn’t frequent for all married couples in America. Data from the General Social Survey by NORC at the University of Chicago reveals that 32.5% of married adults reported no sexual activity in the past year. Only 4.1% stated they engage in sex more than thrice a week.
Understanding the Intimacy Standard
Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage therapist and clinical sexologist, noted that sexual frequency varies among couples. The national average is approximately once weekly. Elton defined a ‘sexless marriage’ as having intimacy ten or fewer times annually.
Intimacy decline can result from various factors, including hectic family schedules and hormone imbalances. Often, the initial relationship spark diminishes over time.
Tips for Rekindling Intimacy
Stay Positive
For couples facing intimacy challenges, Elton suggests beginning by focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship. Building a foundation of emotional connection is crucial.
“If there are too many resentments built up, the wall is too high,” Elton explained. “They need to start with emotional connection.”
Elton recommends focusing on positive relationship aspects for a week, sharing these observations with your partner to shift the relationship’s dynamic.
To avoid stress-related connection loss, she advises intentional time together, such as designating a ‘tech-free’ night to reconnect.
Bring Back the Fun
Couples often find that the fun present at the relationship’s onset fades over time. Elton encourages resurrecting this fun to reignite desire. She suggests A-to-Z date nights, selecting activities beginning with different alphabet letters.
Examples include ‘A’ for axe-throwing or an art gallery, and ‘B’ for bowling or the beach. Such activities create novelty, which can enhance desire.
Flirt and Flaunt
Elton highlights the importance of flirting, which often diminishes over time. She encourages establishing a ‘new language of flirting’ to invigorate the relationship.
Simple acts like a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss can increase oxytocin, fostering love and bonding.
Additionally, self-care activities such as applying lotion or maintaining a skincare routine help individuals feel more connected with themselves, enhancing acceptance of partner intimacy advances.