When an expectant mother contacted her healthcare provider to receive results from a prenatal screening, she began the conversation with a straightforward request: don’t disclose the baby’s sex. Many expectant parents choose not to know their baby’s sex for a range of reasons. Research from Ohio State University involving first-time expectant mothers revealed that those opting to keep the baby’s sex a surprise often scored high in ‘openness to experience’ and held more egalitarian views on gender roles.
The researchers proposed that some parents avoid discovering their baby’s sex to prevent gender stereotypes from influencing expectations, gift selections, and parenting decisions before the child is born.
Al Sheahan, residing in Perth, Australia, was experiencing her second pregnancy when she made a call that changed everything. “We did not learn the sex of our first child and did not plan to find out with our second either,” she shared with Newsweek. “The phone call was merely for discussing the Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing (NIPT) results.”
Sheahan recalls instructing the doctor at the beginning of the conversation: “I don’t want to know the sex. I suspect it might be in the results, so please do not tell me.” Despite the clear request, the doctor proceeded to inform her that the baby was a girl.
Sheahan was astonished and attempted to dismiss the information. “I just replied, ‘No, no, no, I don’t want to know the sex, sorry,’ and pretended I didn’t hear it,” she explained. Unfortunately, the surprise was inadvertently spoiled. There was a natural disappointment for Sheahan, who had successfully kept her first child’s sex a secret until birth.
“We truly enjoyed discovering our son’s sex at birth and held no preferences, so we desired that surprise again,” she said. Although it was challenging at times, they managed it. This time, however, they encountered a hurdle early in the process.
Despite the initial disappointment, Sheahan harbors no resentment toward the doctor who made the error and now finds humor in the incident. “It’s difficult to remain upset when you learn you have a healthy, growing baby. The shock was disappointing for a moment,” she said.
Nora Snowy Sheahan, named after her great-grandfather, arrived a few months later and is due to celebrate her first birthday soon. Having both known and not known her baby’s sex before birth, Sheahan offers a unique perspective on the two experiences.
“For those without gender preference, few surprises in life compare to finding out who your baby is at birth. It’s genuinely special,” she observed. “Choosing a name was easier since we didn’t have to prepare for both genders, but ultimately, I’d always prefer to keep it a surprise.”
Sheahan also shares advice for those wishing to maintain the mystery of their unborn child’s sex. “Remind every provider you interact with at the start of each conversation, as it’s easy for someone to slip up,” she suggested. “I’d change nothing. Everything occurs for a reason, and she was always going to be our girl, regardless of whether we found out early or not.”