Going into the ultrasound that day, my anxiety was overwhelming. Our experiences had built up to this moment, and it was understandable to feel that way.
I’ve lived my entire life in Valparaiso, Indiana, sharing the past eight years with my husband, Ryan. He’s been my unwavering support. In 2022, we welcomed our daughter Nellie into the world. It was meant to be the happiest day of our lives. But in a shocking turn of fate, Nellie passed away during her first night at home. That loss devastated us completely.
Trying to move on, we embarked on IVF in 2024. The procedure was grueling. Two retrievals resulted in no eggs. Discouraged, I took a break. Then, in February 2025, I became pregnant naturally. The joy was short-lived, confirmed as a chemical pregnancy within days.
Feeling less crushed by this loss due to past experiences, we opted for IVF at a different clinic. The process was different this time, resulting in another pregnancy. Our happiness was quickly overshadowed by worry.
“At around nine weeks, the ultrasound revealed only a faint heartbeat. Doubt crept in as we awaited the next appointment, carrying hopes for good news.”
July arrived, loading me with anxiety. Power was out at home, so my husband and I were staying with in-laws. Just before leaving, my mother-in-law asked if everything was okay. I broke down, filled with fear. Despite naming our unborn daughter Poppy, deep down, I felt something was wrong.
Recording the appointment was driven by hope for good news. I documented everything on TikTok, aiming for authenticity in both joyous and painful moments.
The devastating news came during the scan. The baby’s heartbeat wasn’t present, measuring behind schedule. Initially in shock, I sought only my husband’s comfort. The technician’s attempt to console felt intrusive in my vulnerable state.
That night, we returned home, engulfed in tears, held in each other’s arms.
Despite grief, I shared the footage on TikTok, aiming to create a supportive community. Feedback showed shared struggles resonated deeply, offering others solace.
“Criticism followed my interaction with the technician, given my vulnerability. I felt, at the time, the attempt at comfort was intrusive.”
Though showcasing pregnancy joy is common, sharing lows is equally crucial. Infertility, failed cycles, and losses form their own chapters in this journey.
The loss felt life-ending, but hope remained for future family possibilities. My current focus centers on recovery after the dilation and curettage procedure.
Reflecting on the footage reveals my state of shock and search for comfort. Nellie’s loss taught me resilience; this setback is heartbreaking but not crushing. Support from my husband, family, and especially my father, Jeff Shaw, keeps us moving forward. With a new plan from the doctor, we’re hopeful about future embryo transfers.