Erika Kirk, whose husband Charlie Kirk was tragically assassinated, has shared the insights she’s gained about grief over the past year. Her husband, the leader of Turning Point USA (TPUSA), was fatally shot while speaking at Utah Valley University on September 10, 2025. Erika’s reflections are captured in a guest essay for the New York Times titled, ‘What I’ve learned about grief.’
Kirk describes the immediate aftermath of her husband’s assassination as feeling like a ‘fever dream.’ In a conversation with Usha Vance, the wife of Vice President JD Vance, Erika received advice that has been pivotal in coping with her grief. Usha suggested focusing on getting ‘through the next 15 minutes,’ likening the experience to calming children on a turbulent airplane ride. This advice helped Erika when faced with reminders of her late husband, such as his toothbrush and towel in their shared bathroom.
In her essay, Kirk recounts moments of reflection as she managed the personal effects of her husband, emphasizing the importance of allowing herself to confront pain gradually. She describes significant family milestones without her husband, including Thanksgiving and her own birthday. Kirk notes that each occasion required adapting traditions and navigating waves of grief. She also acknowledges her young daughter’s own challenges in this difficult period.
During Charlie’s memorial service at State Farm Stadium on September 21, 2025, Erika Kirk shared how grief can feel as though time has stopped, although life moves on. She expresses that Charlie would want her to live fully despite the circumstances. Kirk cites how her late husband’s faith in finding hope through religion continues to guide her.
Erika reflects on grappling with difficult emotions and spiritual queries after losing her spouse. She underscores the necessity of accepting that not all answers are revealed and that peace arises from faith, even amid adversity. According to Kirk, true faith involves seeing goodness emerge from tragedy and understanding her husband’s impact on others, sparking restoration and reconciliation.
Erika’s personal narrative illustrates her efforts to balance grieving and embracing life simultaneously. She explains the idea of living a rhythm of grief, where daily moments blend sorrow with joy. If you are experiencing grief, she advises focusing on ‘getting through the next 15 minutes,’ appreciating how those minutes encompass the richness of life despite persistent grief.
Psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert supports Vance’s advice, highlighting the importance of narrowing emotional focus in difficult times. He explains that resilience means accepting pain while continuing to live life, as demonstrated by Erika’s story.