Kim Houk, a labor and delivery nurse based in San Diego, shares insights from her experience assisting in over hundreds of births. As a mother of seven and a seasoned nurse with eight years of experience, Houk has observed mistakes frequently made by men in the delivery room.
At her hospital, which welcomes 7,000-8,000 babies annually, Houk has noticed varying types of dads. Some are attentive and caring, while others show less supportive behavior. According to Newsweek, Houk emphasized that ‘red flag dads’ are not in the majority. Instead, they mix in with dads who are present and helpful.
Research affirms that a woman benefits from having her partner by her side during childbirth. A 2014 study in the Journal of Perinatal Education suggests continuous support during labor, which includes presence from the partner, leads to greater maternal satisfaction.
A 2016 YouGov survey found that four out of five American women desire the father’s presence in the delivery room. Despite this, Houk recounts several instances where men’s attempts to be supportive miss the mark. She recalls situations where dads ask frivolous questions like, ‘How do I hook my Xbox up to the TV?’ Due to lengthy labor inductions, some dads aim to pass the time.
Another concern arises when men speak on behalf of their partners, answering questions about pain preferences and epidurals. Houk stresses, ‘This is her body. She is fully capable of answering for herself.’
Drug use during childbirth is another alarming trend Houk notes. Especially prevalent in California where marijuana is legalized, many dads are arriving high to assist their partners in labor.
Houk also mentions those fathers who get immersed in ‘loud business meetings’ during childbirth. She suggests, ‘If you’re going to be loud and on the phone, maybe step outside or go to the hallway.’
The most problematic behavior Houk identifies is the oversexualizing of the labor process. Comments about dilation checks or breastfeeding illustrate some men’s lack of awareness about appropriate behavior.
Other concerning actions include dads distracted by food, being too timid to send visitors away, or displaying flirtatious behavior with staff. Houk advises men to understand their partner’s birth plan, noting preference for epidurals or delayed cord clamping. Their role is to support, not control.
She encourages dads to advocate for their partners, helping to communicate her wishes when she’s overwhelmed. It’s crucial to maintain a calm energy to comfort their partners.
Addressing physical needs is essential — massaging her back, applying counterpressure, keeping phones charged, providing snacks, and minimizing disruptions with dimmed lights and controlled visitors.
Houk advises men, ‘Don’t make it about you!’ Complaints about food, uncomfortable beds, or personal discomfort should be avoided to maintain focus on supporting the partner.